she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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