Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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