there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
