just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
