My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
