We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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