her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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