my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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