i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
