it was like eating out sand paper
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
sarcasm needs its own font
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
