I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
