your thong is hanging out like whoa
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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