You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
