His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
