Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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