im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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