Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
