she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
