Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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