am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize