im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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