Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
