Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
