Dignity is for republicans.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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