He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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