i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
