drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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