I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
