STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
