I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
