you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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