i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
