wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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