we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
