i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
