Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize