whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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