You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
