All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
