i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
