I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
