U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
