maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
