I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
