I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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