Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
