roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
