I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
