i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
