okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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