So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
