Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
