my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
