Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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