Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Im part way to drunk.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
