Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
