I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
