you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
and you fell through a lawn chair
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize