so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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