I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
