You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
