Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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