Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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