is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
