Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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