There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
