not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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