I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize